Christmas Time and New Year

As salamu alaikum :)

I really get lazy 2 write here, but thats simply cause NOTHING happens in my life.
Sad but True..

I feel so bored n fed up with my life these days.
There r so many things i wanna do and i simply cant cause i live at the end of the world.

Inline skating - ppl would look at me like am crazy here and well the streets where iam arent good 4 that..

going to the gym - theres just 1 gym near, its not really a good one. id also need someone 2 drive me there n take the baby 4 that time

There are also no shops around here, so shopping isnt an option, not 2 mention that i couldnt afford to go shopping all the time i feel bad :D

So 4 the new year am hoping to change location.
There r more things i wish and plan 4 but i guess since they arent sure its better 2 be quiet about them just now.

4 now iam just waiting that i can go 2 germany to stay there 4 some time and relax.
I really really need some time to think things over and decide what i want.

Now iam just mother, housewife, wife..
iam not satisfied with that..Not that i dont love my son, hes the light of my life.
I cant imagine 2 be without him ever again and he makes me smile when i wanna cry :)


Bad thing about it is i feel so damn guilt 4 thinking like this :(
I mean my life isnt bad, i have food, a place 2 stay, runnign water, electricity,...
Am i being greedy 2 want more?

Anyway i wish all of u a happy new year :)
Inshallah its gonna be a great one

the time of birthdays

The next 5 weeks a lot of ppl i love will have their birthdays.
Starting with my precious son on june 14th.
After that there r 7 ppl having birthdays until the 7th july
My mum, my unlce, rayyans cousin ( shes getting 2 years) , rayyans uncles ( twins), my husband and my dad.
The most impprtant ppl are not near me on their birthdays and i just wish i could be there to surprise them :)
Alhamdulillah i found a great service where i can send a postcard with a picture (one i upload or 1 they offer) and write some words. They send it on a chosen date and take only about 2 - 3 Euro for it. I used this for my uncle n dad (www.pokamax.de )
And i will buy something for my mum and let them send it to my uncle so he can give it 2 her on her birthday inshallah.

I have no idea what to arrange for my husbands bithday.
It should be something he really likes and doesnt expect.
One of the things ill do is definetly to make a poster with pictures of rayyan and us as a family.
But still i need something else and im thinking hard still i cant catch a good idea.
Id be thankfull for any idea :)
Egypt isnt very good when it comes to order things online.
In germany i can get ANYTHING online. I can even order a puzzle made with a picture of rayyan online. Its so much easier to arrange surpirses like that secretly.
Last year i send my mum flowers to her brithday but i figured thats its a waste since shes not such a fan of flowers and to send them coasts just as much as buying a proper present and get it send to her :)

My Family

My son is now over 5 weeks old and my father ( + his family) dont know about his existence :(
I i dint talked to my dad since i turned 18. We just exchnged christmas and birthday cards and i wrote him several letters 2 which i never got an answer.
Now i feel guilty that i didnt tell them about my Son and i know i have to tell them sooner or later.
But how do i do this?
I wrote him a letter which i didnt send til now bcz i feel its missing so many things.
I i wrote all the things i wanna tell him i would need like 10 pages.
I wish he had an email account so i could easily write him and send him pictures of Rayyan, but he doesnt use the internet at all :(
So i have the choice to give the letters 2 my mum and she will send them or i will send them when i go germany (hopefully on christmas)
i wish i could meet him around christmas so he could meet his grandson.
My mother will see her grandson for the first time this august and i cant wait to have her here :)
I just have 2 believe the relationship betwen my dad n me will be repaired.
I long for this since longer time and i tryd my best by writing him letters about how my life is going ( though i didnt mention iam a muslim) but sadly he never replyd. Even my granddad and my uncle couldnt explain why he didnt answer me. I guess its about his "lovly gf" who definetly dont want me back in his life, taking her precious time with him..
But Rayyan might open a door for us 2 get back to the connection we had before, inshallah.

Life with a new born baby

2day is the birthday of my husband ( just random :P)

Now my son is 3 weeks n 2days old and slowly we get more and more used 2 each other.
Hes not the easiest baby but it gets better.
He screams a lot and only calm when i breastfeed him, so literally i breastfed him all day long. Alhamdulillah he sleeps at night some hours, so i can take some rest.
I guess its bcz i stopped giving him any kind of bottle milk and my milk has 2 adjust to his need now.
I dont really get to do housework and cooking as the baby wants to be on my arm all day.
If i lay him down on the bed ( no matter if its his bed or ours) he starts to cry and just stops when i take him up and feed him :S
So i spend a lot of time holding him in my arms, which is nice some times and sometimes really making me tired.
The best is when he smiles at me or when he looks into my eyes while feeding :)
Sure there are moments where i could just cry and wish someone would take him for just 1 hour so i could do something i want, like taking a loong shower, cooking or cleaning.
Somehow i cant wait that he gets a bit older so i could play some more with him instead of just holding him :)


So literally my whole life turns around the baby right now :)

Introduce you to my baby boy :D

Long time since i had the chance to use the laptop and iam sooo glad to have it back ( net addict :P)
The last few weeks a lot happend, the biggest of it the birth of my son on the 14.6.10 :)

On the 13.6.10 i went to my family inlaws flat in downtown which is about 1,5 hours drive from here.
I planned to stay there til the birth.
Actually my birth was to be on the 13.6 but since i didnt had any contractions we didnt went there earlier.
So in the night of the 13.6 we went there and also right away to my check up at the doctor and he did something 2 make me have contractions ( no details, but it wasnt a nice feeling!)
After that i had contractions coming every 7 min for the whole night :S
At 11am we had a appointment in the hospital with my doctor for another check up and to see the hospital.
Since i had contractions i stayed there right away and we got room ( we means me, husband and mother in law)
In the afternnon the contractions got so painfull that i got an epidural which was the best thing ever :)
Finally i could relax a bit and it didnt hurt at all to take the epidual ( thx doctor fadl :)
At around 10pm they finally decided i can go to the birthroom ( alone without my husband)
Alhamdulillah my doctor and his assistent were great and supporting me soo much that i felt very comfortable :)
The birth itself wasnt so hard bcz of the epidural.
The only bad thing was the episiotomy, i didnt feel it when it was done but after the epidural stopped working i suffered a lot.
The first week after birth i suffered a lot of pain all the time, while sitting, laying and walking :(
Alhamdulillah its fine now and i dont feel any pain at all :)

My baby had some breathing problems at first so he had to stay in the hospital for 2 days :(
I went home after 1 day and i missed him so much.
Alhamdulillah hes fine now.

The first 2 weeks home with him werent so great cause we stayed at the in laws house.
That means 3 rooms from which only 2 have AC, for somtimes 6 adults and 3 kids.
Anyway i cant change thier attitude...so whatever iam home now alhamdulillah

My little one is doing fine and finally sleeping more so that we can take more rest 2 :)
Hes growing every day and he already started to smile :)

my big family

My family is quite unusal for germans :)
My mother has 4 brothers and 7 sisiters which means she has 11 siblings.
I dont know anyone from germany who has a huge family like this, most people i know dont have more than 4 aunts/ uncles.
My father also has just 1 brother which is much more normal in germany.
Germans in generell dont get enough kids thats why they speculate that in some generations muslims gonna be the majority in germany (i have to say inshallah :D)
Having such a huge family could be great if everything was alright. Sadly in my family we dont have contact with everyone. Stil i have some great uncles and aunts on who i can trust in any situatin ( alhamdulillah)
Having such a big family didnt had much of influence on me when i was younger, but now that ill be a mother soon i think about this topic much more.
I wish my child would have contact to my family too, at least when iam in german for visits.
I already worry about how 2 establish a good contact with them and how to make him meet my father.
I dont have contact to my father since iam 18 except for birthday cards and me writing letter( that he doesnt answer :S)
But i certainly want him to have contact to my dad and 2 meet him.
The problem is my fathers girlfriend.
She is with him since many years and i never came along with her very well.
She was jealous about me too much and so did anything to make me stay away.
Now i dont care about her as long as hes happy with her, but i dont want her 2 see my son.
Why?
Bcz iam scared of the evil eye.
Might sound funny, but i do believe in it!
I believe that if i let my son stay near her for longer time her jealousy and hate might give him something like bad luck.
So i have to work out a way to meet my dad without her, which is nearly impossible cause she doesnt let him go anywhere alone ( psycho :P)

I guess im just getting worried now that the brith is sooo near :S
Inshallah all will be solved out once hes born.


Does anyone of u have such a huge family and how u cope with it if u live in another country?

This video is so great, mashallah
and it gives me hope :)

( my cat just starred at the laptop and listend very interested when the azhan in that video played, mashallah :)