My Family

My son is now over 5 weeks old and my father ( + his family) dont know about his existence :(
I i dint talked to my dad since i turned 18. We just exchnged christmas and birthday cards and i wrote him several letters 2 which i never got an answer.
Now i feel guilty that i didnt tell them about my Son and i know i have to tell them sooner or later.
But how do i do this?
I wrote him a letter which i didnt send til now bcz i feel its missing so many things.
I i wrote all the things i wanna tell him i would need like 10 pages.
I wish he had an email account so i could easily write him and send him pictures of Rayyan, but he doesnt use the internet at all :(
So i have the choice to give the letters 2 my mum and she will send them or i will send them when i go germany (hopefully on christmas)
i wish i could meet him around christmas so he could meet his grandson.
My mother will see her grandson for the first time this august and i cant wait to have her here :)
I just have 2 believe the relationship betwen my dad n me will be repaired.
I long for this since longer time and i tryd my best by writing him letters about how my life is going ( though i didnt mention iam a muslim) but sadly he never replyd. Even my granddad and my uncle couldnt explain why he didnt answer me. I guess its about his "lovly gf" who definetly dont want me back in his life, taking her precious time with him..
But Rayyan might open a door for us 2 get back to the connection we had before, inshallah.

a song..

When i was pregnant in the last month i remembered this song
i didnt had internet though so i wasnt ale 2 download it or even listen it
Now that i have net again i searched for it on youtube and listen it every day :)
It in german but i translated it 2 english
This song could make me cry everytime bcz it remembers me of the time befoe the birth and bcz its just so sweet from the singer 2 write a song like that for his unborn child



Translation:



This shining in her eyes
i havent ever seen be4
shes shining from inside out
From there where u still live

since i know about ur arrival
im waiting for a new time
my world turned upside down
cause 1 + 1 = 3

the world that awaits u
isnt as it should be - no
but this still has time, donte be scared
u can really try ( thats just literally translated)

4 hand full of love cuddle u
and i swear to u, ur mother is a great woman

when u arrive
when u see the light
and that 4 the first time ever

when she sees u
when u see me
than i belive wonders wil come true

we stand with u, we two
we stand with u, from 2 make 3

u are the greatest adventure
u just missed til now
she carrys u full of proud
in her wonderfull belly

just feel comfortable in ur skin
entrusted to ur mother
ur world still stays small
and ur little sould stays pure

that something could go wrong
sure, that scares us somehow
but whatever will be
im wih u
and ur mother will gt u out of any trouble

when u arrive
when u see light
and all of that for the very first time

when she sees u
when u see me
i belive wonders will come true

we stand with u. we two
we stand with u

i cant help u until now
i cant see u
i can just think of u a lot
and u can hear me sing

when u arrive
when u see light
and all of that for the very first time

when she sees u
when u see me
i belive wonders will come true

we stand with u, we two

Life with a new born baby

2day is the birthday of my husband ( just random :P)

Now my son is 3 weeks n 2days old and slowly we get more and more used 2 each other.
Hes not the easiest baby but it gets better.
He screams a lot and only calm when i breastfeed him, so literally i breastfed him all day long. Alhamdulillah he sleeps at night some hours, so i can take some rest.
I guess its bcz i stopped giving him any kind of bottle milk and my milk has 2 adjust to his need now.
I dont really get to do housework and cooking as the baby wants to be on my arm all day.
If i lay him down on the bed ( no matter if its his bed or ours) he starts to cry and just stops when i take him up and feed him :S
So i spend a lot of time holding him in my arms, which is nice some times and sometimes really making me tired.
The best is when he smiles at me or when he looks into my eyes while feeding :)
Sure there are moments where i could just cry and wish someone would take him for just 1 hour so i could do something i want, like taking a loong shower, cooking or cleaning.
Somehow i cant wait that he gets a bit older so i could play some more with him instead of just holding him :)


So literally my whole life turns around the baby right now :)

Introduce you to my baby boy :D

Long time since i had the chance to use the laptop and iam sooo glad to have it back ( net addict :P)
The last few weeks a lot happend, the biggest of it the birth of my son on the 14.6.10 :)

On the 13.6.10 i went to my family inlaws flat in downtown which is about 1,5 hours drive from here.
I planned to stay there til the birth.
Actually my birth was to be on the 13.6 but since i didnt had any contractions we didnt went there earlier.
So in the night of the 13.6 we went there and also right away to my check up at the doctor and he did something 2 make me have contractions ( no details, but it wasnt a nice feeling!)
After that i had contractions coming every 7 min for the whole night :S
At 11am we had a appointment in the hospital with my doctor for another check up and to see the hospital.
Since i had contractions i stayed there right away and we got room ( we means me, husband and mother in law)
In the afternnon the contractions got so painfull that i got an epidural which was the best thing ever :)
Finally i could relax a bit and it didnt hurt at all to take the epidual ( thx doctor fadl :)
At around 10pm they finally decided i can go to the birthroom ( alone without my husband)
Alhamdulillah my doctor and his assistent were great and supporting me soo much that i felt very comfortable :)
The birth itself wasnt so hard bcz of the epidural.
The only bad thing was the episiotomy, i didnt feel it when it was done but after the epidural stopped working i suffered a lot.
The first week after birth i suffered a lot of pain all the time, while sitting, laying and walking :(
Alhamdulillah its fine now and i dont feel any pain at all :)

My baby had some breathing problems at first so he had to stay in the hospital for 2 days :(
I went home after 1 day and i missed him so much.
Alhamdulillah hes fine now.

The first 2 weeks home with him werent so great cause we stayed at the in laws house.
That means 3 rooms from which only 2 have AC, for somtimes 6 adults and 3 kids.
Anyway i cant change thier attitude...so whatever iam home now alhamdulillah

My little one is doing fine and finally sleeping more so that we can take more rest 2 :)
Hes growing every day and he already started to smile :)

my big family

My family is quite unusal for germans :)
My mother has 4 brothers and 7 sisiters which means she has 11 siblings.
I dont know anyone from germany who has a huge family like this, most people i know dont have more than 4 aunts/ uncles.
My father also has just 1 brother which is much more normal in germany.
Germans in generell dont get enough kids thats why they speculate that in some generations muslims gonna be the majority in germany (i have to say inshallah :D)
Having such a huge family could be great if everything was alright. Sadly in my family we dont have contact with everyone. Stil i have some great uncles and aunts on who i can trust in any situatin ( alhamdulillah)
Having such a big family didnt had much of influence on me when i was younger, but now that ill be a mother soon i think about this topic much more.
I wish my child would have contact to my family too, at least when iam in german for visits.
I already worry about how 2 establish a good contact with them and how to make him meet my father.
I dont have contact to my father since iam 18 except for birthday cards and me writing letter( that he doesnt answer :S)
But i certainly want him to have contact to my dad and 2 meet him.
The problem is my fathers girlfriend.
She is with him since many years and i never came along with her very well.
She was jealous about me too much and so did anything to make me stay away.
Now i dont care about her as long as hes happy with her, but i dont want her 2 see my son.
Why?
Bcz iam scared of the evil eye.
Might sound funny, but i do believe in it!
I believe that if i let my son stay near her for longer time her jealousy and hate might give him something like bad luck.
So i have to work out a way to meet my dad without her, which is nearly impossible cause she doesnt let him go anywhere alone ( psycho :P)

I guess im just getting worried now that the brith is sooo near :S
Inshallah all will be solved out once hes born.


Does anyone of u have such a huge family and how u cope with it if u live in another country?

This video is so great, mashallah
and it gives me hope :)

( my cat just starred at the laptop and listend very interested when the azhan in that video played, mashallah :)

Soon ill be a mum :)

Now its just 13 days left if the baby comes on time :)
13 days is less than 2 weeks, i cant believe time went by so fast
The baby could come now at any time, what a scary thought :S
But inshallah he wont come before the 13.6
Still we are not 100% sure of the name and we still have to get a baby bed :S
Im getting really curious about the hospital and i hope we can go to check it this week.
I have never been in a hospital here in egypt and my impression of them isnt very good.
I heard a lot of bad storys,but i after all egyptian woman get their babys there, so why shouldnt i?
Alhamdulillah i have a good doctor who i trust :)
Now ill have to make some exercise in the last 2 weeks. I have to admit i have been a bit lazy about this til now :S
But my mum told me if i make exercise the birth will be much easier for me, so inshallah i will try this.
I wish i could go swimming but i guess ill have to stick with walking and some simple yoga.
I dont really have any other ideas of which exercise to do.

The cat ( still nameless :) already got really used to stay with us and is really a source of joy

A little creature in the house :)

No its not the baby :D
Hes still where he should be and inshallah he wont be born before the due date ( 13.6)

But since last night we have a little kitten in the house :)
She was staying at the street in front of the house for long time, crying from hunger.
So after some time we took her in the house and fed her.
Shes very active and naughty :)
All day long shes haunting whatever comes her way ( carpet, my bag, hijabs,..)
I planned to buy a sherazi cat after having the baby but i guess we gonna keep this one.
After all i cant throw her out on the street, shes too young to take care of herself.
I guess shes about 3 or 4 weeks old, after all shes very tiny.
Now i just need to choose a name for her :)
Maybe ill call her tiny bcz of her size

This is her