Friday, July 23, 2010

My Family

My son is now over 5 weeks old and my father ( + his family) dont know about his existence :(
I i dint talked to my dad since i turned 18. We just exchnged christmas and birthday cards and i wrote him several letters 2 which i never got an answer.
Now i feel guilty that i didnt tell them about my Son and i know i have to tell them sooner or later.
But how do i do this?
I wrote him a letter which i didnt send til now bcz i feel its missing so many things.
I i wrote all the things i wanna tell him i would need like 10 pages.
I wish he had an email account so i could easily write him and send him pictures of Rayyan, but he doesnt use the internet at all :(
So i have the choice to give the letters 2 my mum and she will send them or i will send them when i go germany (hopefully on christmas)
i wish i could meet him around christmas so he could meet his grandson.
My mother will see her grandson for the first time this august and i cant wait to have her here :)
I just have 2 believe the relationship betwen my dad n me will be repaired.
I long for this since longer time and i tryd my best by writing him letters about how my life is going ( though i didnt mention iam a muslim) but sadly he never replyd. Even my granddad and my uncle couldnt explain why he didnt answer me. I guess its about his "lovly gf" who definetly dont want me back in his life, taking her precious time with him..
But Rayyan might open a door for us 2 get back to the connection we had before, inshallah.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

a song..

When i was pregnant in the last month i remembered this song
i didnt had internet though so i wasnt ale 2 download it or even listen it
Now that i have net again i searched for it on youtube and listen it every day :)
It in german but i translated it 2 english
This song could make me cry everytime bcz it remembers me of the time befoe the birth and bcz its just so sweet from the singer 2 write a song like that for his unborn child


This shining in her eyes
i havent ever seen be4
shes shining from inside out
From there where u still live

since i know about ur arrival
im waiting for a new time
my world turned upside down
cause 1 + 1 = 3

the world that awaits u
isnt as it should be - no
but this still has time, donte be scared
u can really try ( thats just literally translated)

4 hand full of love cuddle u
and i swear to u, ur mother is a great woman

when u arrive
when u see the light
and that 4 the first time ever

when she sees u
when u see me
than i belive wonders wil come true

we stand with u, we two
we stand with u, from 2 make 3

u are the greatest adventure
u just missed til now
she carrys u full of proud
in her wonderfull belly

just feel comfortable in ur skin
entrusted to ur mother
ur world still stays small
and ur little sould stays pure

that something could go wrong
sure, that scares us somehow
but whatever will be
im wih u
and ur mother will gt u out of any trouble

when u arrive
when u see light
and all of that for the very first time

when she sees u
when u see me
i belive wonders will come true

we stand with u. we two
we stand with u

i cant help u until now
i cant see u
i can just think of u a lot
and u can hear me sing

when u arrive
when u see light
and all of that for the very first time

when she sees u
when u see me
i belive wonders will come true

we stand with u, we two

Life with a new born baby

2day is the birthday of my husband ( just random :P)

Now my son is 3 weeks n 2days old and slowly we get more and more used 2 each other.
Hes not the easiest baby but it gets better.
He screams a lot and only calm when i breastfeed him, so literally i breastfed him all day long. Alhamdulillah he sleeps at night some hours, so i can take some rest.
I guess its bcz i stopped giving him any kind of bottle milk and my milk has 2 adjust to his need now.
I dont really get to do housework and cooking as the baby wants to be on my arm all day.
If i lay him down on the bed ( no matter if its his bed or ours) he starts to cry and just stops when i take him up and feed him :S
So i spend a lot of time holding him in my arms, which is nice some times and sometimes really making me tired.
The best is when he smiles at me or when he looks into my eyes while feeding :)
Sure there are moments where i could just cry and wish someone would take him for just 1 hour so i could do something i want, like taking a loong shower, cooking or cleaning.
Somehow i cant wait that he gets a bit older so i could play some more with him instead of just holding him :)

So literally my whole life turns around the baby right now :)